| hi! |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|10:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | noho in a hamster cage | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | pink floyd- wish you were here (jason's version) | ] |
whoa, its been forever.
i'm at Ms. Directo's home. I just had some fried chicken, its been a while. I'm just practicing for what's to come soon.
That's about all i've got for now.
yeah.
M
p.s.
love my boyfriend and my bff because she makes me biscuits when popeye's forgets to give me the one i payed for. |
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| I can't remember |
[Dec. 29th, 2007|03:49 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | Documentary "Why we fight" | ] |
There was a time where i would update this journal quite often and had a constant flow of entries. My life has changed, a lot since those days.
I don't have much time to do this anymore.
Its pretty damn late and I can't sleep. I could hear my baby, Jason's, slight snore, it's so cute. I somehow find it peaceful and it usually helps me sleep. I'm up because I have so much on my mind and I'm damn anxious of my near future. I can't stop imagining and planning it out in my mind. As I'm trying to sleep and feel so rested, I keep thinking of falling asleep and I deeply think about my last moments of being awake and conscious- that's exactly when I feel so awake again.
Anyhow- the following are a few things I can't get out of my head. Perhaps writing them will help me sleep.
1) Paying off my bills (credit cars). I'm so damn excited because starting Feb. I won't have to worry about car payments anymore and I could concentrate on fixing my credit
2) Starting at a new salon in Jan. I'm nervous, I'm not sure what to expect. I can't wait to see how it's going to work out and what clients will actually come and be so loyal to their stylist, Mojo.
3) Being so shocked and not feeling that it's really true that I could be so happy. I haven't been this happy since I was 5. I don't have any fears, I'm surrounded by dozens of people that truely love me. I could have not chosen a better group of people.
I never thought that I could love somebody so much. I knew a love for a mother, brother, fam. and friend but to love a man to truely and unconditionally love a man.... I've been in so many situations where I would make myself fall for the person and deep inside dream of that prince to come and save me. It finally happened! I pictured myself to end up with a guy that I would decently love and he would love me back, a very tolerable relationship. I never even imagined spending ALL my time with a person. To wake up with him, go to work together, eat together, make love whenever we please and go to sleep together. I never thought that such a beautiful thing could actually excist. I never been so willing to actually share all my space and time with anyone else. I never thought I'd find somebody worthy or cool enough. Fuck! I'm finally truely in love and it's the most amazing thing in the world. I've never been loved so much nor felt so good to open my heart completely to anyone. I found him! - these are the thoughts that constantly replay in my head.
This might sound so lame but "The Secret" actually works. I got a freaking 42" hd plasma television by using the secret. You really do attract what you give out. We're freaking magnets! I finally got it right and I could love love love myself and attract such amazing things.
4) -i must be at the 10th thought from the giant essay above.
but really... number 4 Jason and I getting our own place-not living here with my mom-big step. After he's done with school we plan to save to get our own place. We were thinking of looking at places in Burbank, Glendale, NoHo, Studio City, Los Feliz, Silverlake, Glassell Park and Echo Park(though his parents would probably hate us in Echo Park). Oh yeah by the way, I love his parents so much. I had the best christmas ever because of Jason and his lovely family.
My tia Sandri, whose in real state, said that it would be best if we waited until we bought our own place because rent is such a waste. She's right but we have way too much shit to stay here until then.
5) Jen<3Mar bags. I love our purses and I think if new ideas.
We're definitely making bags for bands. I'm sure Hello Astronaut will be first. Oh yes! They have a reunion show this Sun, I can't wait.
678910..... I'm finally dozing off. Perhaps I'll attempt sleep now.
:]
M |
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| the most amazing love i've ever experienced |
[Aug. 21st, 2007|12:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | hummmm | ] |
it's so weird to finally be where i wished to be.
i always envied those that truely felt equally mad about each other. i felt like i was stuck on a unbalanced scale that determined who liked who the most. it was an uncomfortable period. i'm not sure if it was karma or just trials that i had to go through in order to appreciate the greatest thing once it came along. i cherished Mrs. Johnson's, my 10th grade French teacher, advice on how you should not be in serious relationships while you're young. She suggested to play the field just keep your safe. She could never be so right. I don't regret dating anyone that I dated or spoke to. I don't think that i'd be the same person if I hadn't met any of those guys that I had the chance to hang with. Dating is such an awesome experience. I had a blast. I also kept another policy that I should date people that I knew. Until Jason Grissinger and I finally started talking. I knew the moment that I saw him that he would have such a great impact on me if we ever got the chance to hang out. I would intensionally avoid him because I didn't want to fall for him and didn't want to show anyone how much I could possibly melt for someone.
To make it short we started talking at Manny's 23rd birthday party. I invited to come, he never mentioned if he was able to. Instead he called me while I was there and decided to drive down. After a few drinks we slightly spoke of how you tell the truth when you're drunk. The night was near an end. We stood outside in the parking lot and he admitted that he liked me since he saw me. I felt the same way. My plan was to write him a letter and give it to him the day that i did my last clock out.
It didn't work out that way. Since that night we could not stop gushing over each other. It's scary. I definitely falling in love with him. I don't think i've ever felt this way. There is no other girl, he puts me first in so many situations.
He asked me to be his girlfriend this past Sunday. He took me to the Santa Barbara zoo then we walked to the pier then to state street. We had dinner at Albequerque, after dinner that's when he asked me to be his. Damn, it was so cute!
We drove back around 7 then I went to go meet his parents. They liked me.
Ahhh. Happy days in such greatful moments.
The following poem-letter was written by him after I fixed his back:
The first time I saw you, I promised myself that somehow I'd get close to you.
The way that you dressed and you moved, I made us up in my head. So I gathered my pride, and walked up to you and joined on that fateful night. Sit on my bed of dreams on your way home. Artwork and kisses, go together like gin and tonic. Those beautiful brown eyes sing to me. I can't escape your rhyme, when you shoot it deep, straight into my mind. Late nights and laughs, soft lips and cuddles. It's as if I found the gold at the end of th rainbow you shine. Shine for me as I shine for you. Sit on my bed of dreams as we fall, fall asleep in the arms of your dreams, for when we wake, they will be true. True kisses from me to you. -Jason
That's all folks.
I've got my mojo back |
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| Whole lot of changes |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|10:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | mi room | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | De La Soul | ] |
I can't even come close to describing how fucking surprised I am that i am where I am. sounds very lame but out of memorable moments this past June and beginning of August is gonna reshape everything. Once again I am switching jobs. I couldn't be an electronic components saleswoman. I did it for over a month and I was drained with the ignorance of so many customers. Does a processor come with a mouse? That was one of the few signs that pushed to say I love you but I can't be with you Fry's, i'm out. The last drop of it was when I got up at 1am after dreaming of getting a hard drive for a customer-I quickly headed to my livingroom. I then realized "what the fuck? there are no hard drives in my livingroom. I will start working with Lindso on Mon. $14/hr to hang out. Not bad at all.
My graduation is less than 24hrs away. I was one of the few people to organize. I got the programs, speech and music togehter. I also found myself being a peacemaker between the collectors and those who decided to differ.
I am now making the playlist. Seemed like no one cared to bring their own song and so I will make my own. This play list includes Iggy Pop, Bowie, Talib Kwali, Tag Team, X, Q-Lazzarus, Led Zeppelin, and many more fun shit these girls can care less about. It'll be interesting to see eveyone's reaction.
My state "skate" board exam is on Oct. 10. I'm very excited and nervous. I honestly hope it comes quick.
On a sweeeeeter note. I finally overcame something so very difficult and amazing. I had noticed this person the moment he walked into the room. Since December, when I saw him, I had made it clear that I would not be interested in anyone that i attended school with. Beauty school? I like someone in beauty school? wtf? Somehow about 3 weeks ago we got to actually have a conversation that lasted more than 1 min. We froze. Switch numbers and would not stop texting each other since. To make this short we fell for each other the moment we saw each other and we still keep falling. I've never met anyone like him. This sounds so cheesy but he's everything I ever wanted and he was in class with me for the past 9 months. I want to tell you all the amazing things about him.
this is my damn journal and I will note this for record.
1. He's funny and smart
2. He's such a gentleman
3. He's an artist and has such an awesome music knowledge
4. He's tall and beautiful
5. He's such an amazing kisser
6. He's thoughtful
7. He's humble
8. He's so freaking dope
plus my friends love him and think that i've finally met someone that up to my status.
Ahhhh. Life is good. |
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| my first grey hair |
[Jun. 19th, 2007|09:44 pm] |
today we took our class photo at school. it was tons of fun. i haven't been in front of a professional camera in soooo damn long. It was strange since I don't know how to smile. yeah...
before we took our photos we had about 2 hrs to get ready. I was parting and teasing my hair then BAM!!!! my first grey hair. It was weird to see it on my head, MY HEAD! That's when i realized. I'm 23 and aging. I refuse to use any anti-aging products. I really want to see myself age and welcome each wrinkle on my body. I wanna see grey hair conquer my head. Perhaps i might have to dye, knowing that i do hair and i highly doubt that people would really want me dying their hair.
my oh my. i feel like my brain is getting smaller.
i graduate in sept. i take my test in oct.
i can't fucking wait and go back to school school. |
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| yeah- random blurbs |
[May. 12th, 2007|12:56 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my sanctuary | ] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | Bus Stop Advice | ] |
Its been a long time since i wrote on this journal. I'm mostly doing it upon a request. I guess its also to just look back and see where i was near mid 2007.
I'm almost done with school. Gosh, I can't wait its been over a year. I figured cosmetology school would be easier and faster than college. I was so wrong. I made the decision to not apply to any UC's or any other universities. I don't want to be a history professor anymore-. I guess it'll just be a hobby. I wanted to make my mama proud, I think she gave up on my applications. I can't finish them. I can't go to school anymore. I've been going to some form of school since I was 4. I'm very much done. Well, I take that back. I want to take some art and dance classes for fun. I also really would to go back to making short films at my film school and perhaps assist teaching cinematography classes.
Assisting at Bigoudi was been such an amazing and tiring experience. I don't think I'll be there for the whole 2 year plan they have. I will do one year and try to work for Wella or Icon. I need to start making giant steps towards where I really want to go.
I also planned my own graduation present. I'm going to visit Whitney, Matt Boomer and Alex in Chicago in September. (I saw Joyce and Cole today at 2nd Spin in SM)- I did a quick haircut on Joyce and we spoke of Chicago and Pitchfork. She suggested that I instead go to Chitown in July, we'll have another semi-San Francisco experience. I really miss my Santa Monica get away. I miss that spacious apartment that always offered hugs, music, laughter, wine and tea. Another question has been peaking in and out of my mind. Should I move to Chicago? Joshie thinks that I might be trying to get away from something. I don't see it that way- I have nothing to run away from. I think I just really want to experience living in another city. Then again I'd feel bad for leaving my mama here.
Fry's- well, I never imagined myself there. I actually love this job. I get payed well to not do too much hard work. (Its really helping me pay my bills- I know when i'm done with school, i'll be able to pay back anyone I owe) At Fry's, I deal with snobbish nerds all day but all i can do is laugh. I have to appreciate all the silly people in this world. It'd be so damn boring without them. My whole department is filled with awesome people. I love their humor and sincere hearts.
Last night I played Wii for the first time with Luis. It was such an amazing experience. I didn't really want to stop but it was 1:30am and that's when we agreed we'd stop and call it a night. I think we have an agreable way to hang out. We listened to Peter Gabriel, Tiny Tim and Korn in his car. It was very pleasing to not have the Smiths playing over and over in his car.
Dear Danny Rettedal,
I love you! If I could I would to wake up tomorrow morning, go to Dinosaur Park, sit on the Duckasaurus tail and scream out lyrics to a stupid metal song. Yes, I did enjoy that dark experience and every spontaneous act that occured that night. :)
(last part of this weird and random entry)
A thank you note to all of these people that make life so easy and fucking beautiful (warning: this is filled with cheese)-
Dear Mom+fam., Lindso, Mello, Joshie cakes, Agster & fam. + Benny, Mattheu, Oscar Mayer & com., Praniel Pants, Kyky, Vic-thug, Sally, Jeffo, Tyronious, Ralphasaurus, Ivannator, Kat, Tessa, Roxy pie, Sarah Palmita, Manny Mao,Jeremy Spoken, Xtina, Xtian, Jerrito, Luis Hates, Jams bump it, Seb Bach, Whitno, Papas, D, and Alexico:
I dearly cherish every second that I get to spend with you. I have quickly thought, while stuck in traffic, of most of the people that give me strength and love to keep walking, laughing and wanting more from life. Any time I might feel weak I think of you and realize that I am rich, rich of all the unconditional love you give me.
Thank you. Thank you for all your support. I will not fail.
you're great,
Marjorie
* please disregard any mispelling or other grammar errors. |
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| my dreams are so damn clear to me |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|12:19 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | mi house | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | Roscoe by Midlake | ] |
i finally realized that i really should try to keep a dream journal next to my bed. i definitely know that my dreams have tons to do with my real life and sometimes predict what may occur.
last night i had a dream that a piece of the sun bursted out. all this yellowish degree floated in to space. it was the most beautiful view but the weather changed drastically here on earth. we were at 67 degrees, within a few minutes we went to 90. everyone flipped out and thought it was the end of the world, then a sudden peace took over everybody. everyone sat down hugging each other waiting to be burnt to death. then nasa stepped in and put the sun back together. it was the most relieving feeling.
i'm not too sure what this dream may link to. it was just an amazing dream with such an odd occurence.
p.s.
i got a job a salon as an assistant hairstylist.
i have improved- to any whose hair i fucked up.
p.s.s.
i love that i can remember how dumb i was in such silly situations. laughter is such blissful remedy |
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| as i thought that things were curving one way, they all seemed to shift |
[Jan. 16th, 2007|01:51 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | That Right Ain't Shit- The Books | ] |
I remember that I was a very angry teenager due to the fact that my home was not really a home but more of chunk of what i imagined hell to be. I rather not go into detail but I will say that our house fire burned all the bad things away. Things are much better here at home. We are going through a not so stable road right now but I know that everything will improve. We are bonded like we were in 1990. It feels so good coming home after school and not feeling the need to lock my bedroom door.
I recently got a call from 2 friends that I haven't spoken to in a long time. We either had a falling out or we just got too distracted with our daily duties. I don't like holding grudges against anyone. I rather remember those I don't see anymore as I saw them when we had our funnest time together. Let me word that differently. I rather remember people as what I most liked about them and the laughs we shared. I think that until I was done with high school I knew that being so mad would only get me into my own deeper and darker abyss. I think that forgiveness is one the most bravest act anyone can do. Many important men had failed me terribly in my life. My father, the number one failure, I pushed everything aside and realized how much he did love me but how he was coward to not call me for 21 years. Now we carry a telephone based relationship. I know he means well. My ex-alcoholic grandpa, he's too fragile to hurt me now, I rather remember him as the guy who would push me on the swing when I was 4. My brother, his anger will never be let out on me again, he will forever be my twin in my heart. My ex-boyfriends that made me weep, sob, and become careless with relationships to come; you only made me stronger and realize what not to date or do. Yet, they will always take a centimeter of my heart. One specifically, whom did not give up and let the avalanche destroy us. Anything she couldn't bring out in you, I see it all the time. I've never felt so complete, happy and at peace with my surroundings. Round two because you woke up. Round two because it was so long ago, it doesn't even really matter now, I love you!
I will not write responding to anything or anyone regarding me on this entry. One thing I must say, high school drama will forever live only if you let it. |
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| My favorite ex-boyfriend is fucking great |
[Jan. 4th, 2007|07:49 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  satisfied | ] |
A few things in mind:
1- we found the dogs!
2- 2007, no bullshit ( thanks jer)
3- looking for a new job
4- my cold is taking off
5- i don't mind being single
6- i started watching tv
7- i don't really like any guy right now
8- school starts next monday
9- i want to change my hair style and color
10- a little bird told me that the thing i'm doing wrong with my dating life
is being with guys that are not up to my level. makes sense. |
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| Thank God 2006 is almost over |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|09:22 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | The Waiter No.3- Blackheart Procession | ] |
Alright, so a new year, hopefully this year will be a lot more motivational, somehow.
I'm not and wasn't much into this coming christmas or new years. Its the first time i've felt this way. Its weird. I care nothing for presents or getting together. Perhaps its because its the second christmas without my mom and other stupid shit that's going on. I'm in charge of my house for about one more week. I failed, terribly. When my mom left here there were 3 dogs, now there's only 1. I can't stop thinking about it. I told my mom today when she called, she sounded very upset and let me know how irresponsible I was. I still feel that its not my fault though. I locked up the gate everytime I went through it. Except when I had guests over but the dogs were always there when my guests would leave. Anyhow, I can't do much now. I think perhaps I will try to get my mom another dog, I don't even know how she'll react. Maybe this time it won't be a chihuahua. I think we all prefer bigger dogs here, I might be wrong. I also think its strange that my neighbors are being really cold with me. They always make sure I'm ok and I ask if I need anything. Tomorrow I'm going over to make sure everything is ok. (fuck, i just heard a weird sound coming from the hallway)
So this weekend is the winter ball. I'm very excited to get dressed up and see everyone. I picked out my dress. Its white with green flowers, very vintage. All I need now is a date, or so its seems like it. I think when it comes down to it. I rather be alone than in an awkward situation. I don't know. I hate the fact that jokingly friends point out that i'm single and dateless. I do miss Josh a lot but the more I think about it the more I'm glad we're not together. Maybe it was better to just throw a few rocks off the mountain than to have an avalanche crumble down on everything. Sometimes I feel like the avalanche did come down, I'm sure everything could always be worse. I kind of wished we could of lasts until after the holidays, sans gifts.
Start a new year without him. shiat, I hate complicated men. I hate being the man in the relationship, I can't stand all of this emotional crap they go through. Is it me? I feel like I'm dating the same guy in a different skin. alright. that's enough.
I think that this week I'm finally going to snap out my own funk that i'm going through. I've been going to bed at 3-4am, sometimes I'm out or I stay home and watch movies then I wake up in the afternoon. Besides dance floors I really don't have much physical activity. That might be a big part of why i'm feeling so down. I feel the need to cry about 5 times a day, I always manage to hold it in. I cried in a few scenes from "Elf," I thought that movie would be funny and make me laugh. I'm not quite sure how to compose myself correctly right now. I hate coming home to no one. I'm not sure if I could ever live by myself. In no way I'm asking for anyone's pitty. I just feel strange and disconnected from a lot of things. I know that if I really wanted company, I'd have somebody over all the time. I thought perhaps this time alone I will learn to hear and pay close attention to my careless actions and figure out ways to improve myself. I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying. I keep contradicting with everything I say. Oh yeah, I've been smoking heavily. I haven't purchased any marijuana, it seems like it always seems to find me and my door is open.
Alright i'm done with my downess. I'm alive, healthy for the most part, not poor or starving, I'm very thankful of that. I have great friends and family that care.
Here are my new years resolutions as I told Aggie(i added a few more). They are realistic this time.
1- Start working at a salon
2- Be a better daughter, sister, friend, person
3- Pay off my bills
4- Graduate from cosmetology school and get my license
5- Apply to UCLA if I don't get in, which I doubt, I will go to CSUN( I can't leave the band)
If you read this and live close by, don't hesitate to ask me to hang out. It seems like recently I'm having a really hard time calling people.
*Aggie- thank you for everything. I love you, mucho.
<3 Mojo |
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| Oh Rover, Come over and say you're mine! |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|07:36 am] |
Well, let's see. I'm not too sure where to begin. I haven't written an entry in so long. I've been glued to my poetry book. That's been so helpful. I hope that I can be able to read it years from now and understand what the hell i was talking about.
I've been going out every night. In many ways i'm trying to compensate any time i've missed a night out with a few friends. By doing this, I'm worn myself out. I'm soooo tired.
All i want to do is watch movies and stay in. I was able to accomplish that tonight. Oh, it felt soooo good.
I'm out of school for the next 3 weeks. I really wanted to travel. No sure where but i want to leave LA. Even my horoscope strongly suggested it. I even had a dream that my rich uncle gave me 2 tickets to London and free stay for 2 weeks for Xmas. Well, I can keep dreaming. Unfortunately my mother beat me to it and left me responsible for the house plus i'm broke and so its better if I stuck around.
I was hoping to get more hours at work but really, at the office, its been so dead and we keep digging for work its not even worth it. I gave up and decided to just go home and take any hours they give me. Instead I call my clients to let them know that I can work from home. Haircutting that is...if you thought any different.
ok. that's enough for now.
oh yeah, i have a crush on the guy at hollywood video. he's such a flirt. its great.
ok, now, that's all. |
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| Daniel Johnston was right |
[Nov. 10th, 2006|08:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | humming of the ac | ] |
I can't even explain how happy I am
I have endless things to worry about but I couldn't be more happy
Daniel Johnston was right
It did find me in the end
Only when I was looking did it find me
Because I stepped out into the light, the light, the light
So far its smooth sailing
Nothing to complain about
He loves me more than any guy I've known
It feels great because I actually like this one. |
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| Dress in your favorite outfit and swim with me |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|06:55 am] |
In a chlorine free pool
we will feel this way when you and i will listen up
tuning straight into the beautiful sounds they make
forgetting anything that has bothered our minds
Just for a few hours
wear you favorite outfit and let's swim in that sound
tap lightly on your thigh
go along that sound that makes us smile
feeling that smell they brought
seeing those sounds they made
we can pretend we are swimming in that sound that makes us
forget anything bad around us
everything we fear
something we can touch
Let's have tea at the bottom of the pool
we can recall the great sound that surrounded us
We can dress up in our favorite outfits and swim. |
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| A simply inplotion could really change your point of view |
[Oct. 22nd, 2006|02:33 am] |
Grieving a fantasy is the worst action anyone could ever do to themselves
Wound up in such pitiful feelings could really fuck with you
You get worked up, your hearts beats like a frustrated drummer beating the shit
out of his drum set (or her drum set)
It's loud, so loud you can't even hide it. So loud your face turns pale with
a quick thought of seeing that person with someone else, seeing him sleeping
next to her, her next to him, with each other or just holding hands.
Its hard to swallow
Nothing else matter but your little broken heart.
Oh your little broken heart is that worst feeling you've felt in a long time.
so you inplode!
Such a large inplotion that you shut down
Expecting that that person will surprise you and beg for your love
You don't think or act in a normal way. The usually you is gone
Nothing else matter except your little broken heart
Is it so broken?
could it be?
Could be that you are grieving a fantasy?
Something you created in your mind when in reality it was never really there
You forget the better things of life
Your two legs, two arms, your eyes that see, mouth that talks, nose that breathes, ears that hear, feet that look even more beautiful after a pedicure, hands that wave to smiling strangers. Did you forget that when you were laying flat in a pit of endless sorrows of yourself your friends came to rescue and your family did care?
You forgot how great your hair looks, you forgot that dancing is your medicine.
You forgot that kissing a boy for a first and last time is such a fun experience
You forgot because you were too busy grieving a fantasy while all the beautiful things in life tried so hard to get your attention
Look at your blonde hair. How many have told you how great it looks? many.
I fell into a hole, I've been there before. I hate it. I am back.
I got my mojo back. |
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| A day in was enough to let it settle |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|09:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | A clean room | ] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  eh | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | Sikh in a Baja VW Bug - Grandaddy | ] |
I wrote this poem not too long after I broke my toe and had many day ins. I guess it was my own bed in. I remember all the thoughts that caused tons of congestion in my mind. This past Monday I had a day in. It has been a long time since my last one. They're very therapeutic, though this time it wasn't my fault. I had no convenient form of transportation. So instead I stayed in and decided to be productive. I cleaned my room, I'm finally able to see my shinny, wooden floor. I also went through some old poems and so I found this poem. Its very interesting because it sets to many different situations I've been in. After I read this poem, it inspired me to make a painting that will go along with it, its not done but i posted on here what I completed. Ok, so here's the poem:
"4.30.06- 1:48am"
Assumed the possible
Presumed the wishful
Thinking of dept in the shallow
It is my creation I speak of
Assumption of possible let down
Presumption of wishful sit dow
Calibrating hands grip around an untamed noun
Place? Of none I've known
Person? Of whom I miss
Thing? 1 or 2, maybe 3
Play so many version of one single dream
Wished that many situations would return to me
Assumed, something I'd rather do
Presume, something I greatly fear
Functions gathered our awkward hugs
Functions brought us together at once but not for long
Function, endearingly so far from us
We do not correctly function
At this place or time
I also did a lot of thinking. I guess it was good in many ways because it let my mind settle a few things. I still can't figure out why people keep voting for politician that will lie to them over and over. Lies that rise other lies but can breathe without other lies which will totally kill the next lie if they don't lie. Yet, again, they keep voting for them. I guess its the whole concept of how money circulates in great amounts at the top and at the bottom it remains with so few drops of it. I guess if you keep them shut and believing that there is nothing better in their future, they'll believe it. Concentrating the minds with such an idiotic idea that they will always stay alive and healthy. Ideas also of a better future. Better? Improvement? Let's see it.  |
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| It all unravels into something so awesome |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|11:39 am] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | drill drill drill inn the wooden door | ] |
I am a believer of fate. It may be something that may just appease my mind
but honestly at this point in my life I would rather not question it. Since my first year of college I have made a few decision by flipping
a penny. Heads being yes and tails being no. It sounds so stupid but it works for me. I go against it sometimes but wtf, no one is watching me at all times and I'm 22, I can fuck up.
Anyhow, I recently quit my job. My ex-boyfriend said I go through jobs like girls go through clothes. I couldn't agree more.
I have a few reasons
1. I get bored quickly
2. I know I can always do better
3. I neeeed benefits
4. I want to help people
5. I admire my high school geometry teacher when he said that one of his goals is to have a many different jobs as possible. It will make you a master of all trades. yeah...who knows where my curious decisions will take me.
So today I have an interview with Donor Service Group and in 3 weeks I will
be interviewing with Greenpeace. Fuck I would honestly be so happy to be with
Greenpeace.
Life is so hectic right now. I am doing school, working on building my clientele, though I could be working harder on that. Jenny and I are working pretty hard on our purse company. I think our next big purchase would be another sewing machine. In a few weeks we will be participating in a farmer's market. I'm so excited. We are going to have about 20 up for sale.
check out our myspace - its wwww.myspace.com/jenmarbags
Annie and the Fugitive is quickly progressing. We already have 5 songs. Hopefully we can play a show the end of Oct. or early Nov.
I spoke to Jim from the Smell, he said he won't have an open spot until Nov.
So let's hope that perhaps a place out here in the valley would be awesome enough allow us to play sooner. I want to play our first show with a few other bands like Lonely Astroman, Je suis Lion, and Black Black.
I am also playing with the Wilson Project. They are this electronica group which is pretty fucking sweet.
Mentally I am keeping up with all the madness. Physically I am lagging a bit, I am not exactly where I want to be but I do work out at least 3 times a week an so I feel a bit less tangled up. Emotionally, well, I'm slowly getting over a heartache and let down. I don't know if its karma or if it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe I met him too soon but I do know that I met him for a reason.
Anyhow, I got a lot of poems out of it. Maybe that's the reason, I mean its not as if I enjoy it much but I do have to look at the positive side of everything. I'm sure all artist ache and create something so awesome.
Whitney moves to Chicago the end of this month which totally bums me out. I can't escape to Santa Monica and I'm going to miss her so much. I might join her in 08. I must say its great to have Melly back. Its been so empty with out her.
I want to go to Frisco this weekend for the Love Fest but I so many functions going on, its so impossible. Maybe I can escape them. Who wants to come??? |
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| Retaliation |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|12:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | A sturdy chair | ] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | The Debut of the Tamborine Shoe- Drakkar Sauna | ] |
Demolished infantry was all that was left of them
Introverted thoughts and emotions building up a massive amount pain and discomfort
Nothing really cured their thirst for what they really craved
A craving so unbearing only a bottle of liquor could mend for a few mincing seconds or a cigarette so strong that deludes the smell of any reminder of what they really wanted
Disturbing a pattern that was congruent to any oncoming attack was burn off into a state of confusion and let down
Their capitan could only mourn such a lost and pretend he has control of what he always dreamed of and could finally except
A resting place on the top of point doom is where he lost hope, where he admits to let his army down, where he could cry just remembering how happy he was when he heard a rumor of the end of this battle withouts deaths in his infantry
This defeat was not only won over by tears, betrayal, denial, intrusion, or suffocation of fear but it held a detriment so strong no one can stand up against it, an illusion presented as the best feeling in the world any human could ever hold at the tip of their most revived nerve.
This was what old grandma Hemmingway called dirt of the world.A simple action, a few nouns and verbs resitated hold then break any good thing that was left.
A tiny monument reminding and remembering the last war was a pedestal to their dear captain and looked at by opposing armies could only be a compliment.
A hypocritical substance, is what this infantry feared. A hypocritical substance, was all they received. This hypocritical substance would not last long. |
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| Edit, Undo |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|03:21 pm] |
A wishful action replays in my mind
Hoping I could erase certain thoughts and memories
A crack at my strongest organ makes my stomach turn
Wandering seconds recreate a false situation
Building up a new structure of what I want it all to be
My imagination is my worst enemy, I just can't defeat it.
A kiss on your forehead was the last that I bestowed upon you
A kiss on my hand was your last touch that I could remember
I would be in complete bliss if it could all just disappear
Let us not be calyst to our fate
If blue turns green, let it blend
You can't brush on or off anything that does not belong
Perhaps I never realized how stupid it all was
A hopeless romantic caught up with fickle, fragile, and spineless one.
Take off that skirt and speak out.
Your favorite record always breaks your needle
Yet you play it once again
I sit here anxiously repeating all of my restless wishes
But all I really want now is to click edit, undo and shut off. |
|
|
| Please be objective cause the other boys are queuing up behind us |
[Aug. 9th, 2006|12:16 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home sweet home | ] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | Mayfly - Belle and Sebastian | ] |
We're going to have close down and shut off for a bit
We are going to have to collect our belogings and dispers into agony
Leave nothing but your words behind
Make sure they have listened up to your thoughts and intentions
Reveal nothing much but your pride
Do not let those tears pour again or else you'll be showing your weakness
Appreciate what you have lost and gain in every decision you've made
Respect his kind heart because he meant nothing but love
Push off all those who tried to get close
It'll only cause pain
It'll only bring problems
It'll be something you'll be ending soon
So please, hand over your mouth before you dig yourself into it
Walk away with pride and leave nothing much of you behind
Except your words, thoughts and intentions
The new moon's naive heart is enclosed in shameful feelings
Those that hurt, those that he could not let go of
Stand aside and wave
Close down and shut off it all off for a bit
Keep your guard up and float off because it's what you do best
Get away from here before you put yourself to death
Before your stomach turns completely
Before your pain has an open door to destroy all your insides and outs
Smile at your mid day wreck
Sink into your sunless grin
Pick a good cherry for once
You'll see happiness indeed
let go of all your fears
Push away the big, gray clouds
Look at me looking at him
You'll see how far I sank
You'll see the endless possibilities of what could have been good for you
Shameful needs we've carried on through the past few years
See I've walked amongst those clouds
The dark ones that make you flutter
While everyone just wonders why you're so stupid
So let it all just float away and be open to kind ones
See, you've been down too long to admit that you want out
Out of that darling pain
It was a familiar touch that you miss, memories that could just replay in your mind
Yet in your eyes darling, never again
Only chaos in your sighs |
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|
| the choices we make to keep society functional |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|02:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | I'm feelin' |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | the listening pleasure |
| | matt talking about babies | ] |
It is quite unfortunate that life does revolve, evolve and dissolve through money.
i realized yesterday that i might not go back to go college and finish my history career. i do want to be a professor and teach twice a week, i also still want to continue cinematography and of course i want to do hair.
A representive from Icon Products came in to school yesterday for a demo. He encouraged me to keep up with career in hairstyling. If i put all my effort into it I could make about $60,000 a year. "That's fucking amazing" I thought. One definate thing i want to do before i'm 30 is to buy a house. That would be sweet.
I guess i should for once drop it all, except the band and concentrate on one thing. Hair!
hum hum hum.
Last night I had a blast with Matt, Luis and Mark. We watched "The Big White," it was definitely a good rental. Luis and Matt were falling asleep. I'd say the end was the best part. ahhhh Giovanni Rabisi....so hot!
Anyhow, these tall, tight jean, hilarious fellow always make me feel 6' tall. cheers to that!
3 baseball bats and a baseball. good combo.
Luis H got me roses. I don't remember the last time I got flowers from a guy. He's quite the charmer.
that's all. |
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